I feel as though I need to share some things, or at least get them out in the open just so they're off my chest.

I have always had a tendency to "run away from things" growing up, simply because they've either hurt me, offended me, or were things I just did not like. I attribute a lot of this to being brought up an "only child" which often feeds into the "give me what I want when I want it" attitude that most only children often have.

I think an apt description would be that there are times when I can act like Veruca Salt (from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, not the Johnny Depp remake) Link here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067992/

Over the past few years however, I have been trying very diligently to suppress this kind of attitude because let's be honest here... Veruca's a bitch, and Veruca-esque tendencies are even worse. I admit this fully as a character flaw and would very much like to never have these things ever happen... again.

It takes a lot for me to even type that out, let alone say it, because it's really all I've ever done in certain situations. I don't enjoy this about myself and I don't want those characteristics to be part of my demeanor and/or persona.

Why do they happen? I think the majority of it stems from being an only child, being coddled, catered too, and pretty much... spoiled rotten. Thinking back on it now... there are more times than I wish to admit where I'm sure I could have acted infinitely better than I did... and that makes me a sad panda.

My intentions are never to hurt anyone physically or emotionally, but that's inevitable really. The bottom line is, with that kind of systemic issue needing to be uprooted and destroyed, it is going to take a lot of work on my end and I fear that people are going to get hurt in the process. Unfortunately I hurt someone today that I never wanted to, because I lashed out and decided it was time to "take my ball and play somewhere else." I am truly sorry that I acted that way even for just a moment, as it's made a lasting impression that I will never be able to escape.

It was really a fucking dumb move, but it made me realize more than ever... that there's a lot I need to change in how I handle people, situations, friendships, relationships, family... the list goes on and on.

I can't apologize enough to feel better about myself for these actions. It really hurts and pretty much sucks.

A new original, exciting... post?

As you might have noticed, I have neglected this site for quite some time since last year. Today I decided to pull everything over from facebook that I felt necessary (see all posts below this one, dated August 4, 2011).

I figured I may as well update this as I am feeling the need to write today for whatever reason, I suppose I just have a bit on my mind... let's dig in a bit shall we?

For starters, this past semester at school I decided was my last in the IT field (academically speaking, as well as job related), simply for the fact that as much as I have been working with computers and technology in general (read > 20 years), I do not feel as though I really belong in that particular area. I would consider myself more of an enthusiast and hobbyist than anything else, despite the fact that I am a complete technology nerd in the fullest definition of the word. Despite my best efforts, I feel as though I'm slaving myself away at Best Buy for their Geek Squad... which really is a complete joke.

That aside, I've moved on to continue focusing on a much deeper and heartfelt passion... music. Music is something I've had in my life since I can remember and something I do not think I will ever do without, or try to stray from ever again. I've devoted much of my time since I was 16 to trying to excel at mastering the art of the guitar; it has proven to be far more difficult than I could have ever imagined. Being the eleventh instrument I brought into my life since I was 7, the guitar has been the single instrument I've been completely faithful to, never wanting to play another instrument with as much passion as I have for it, in and of itself.

As a result, I'm planning to apply and hopefully audition to finish my Master's Degree at the Eastman School of Music, here in Rochester, NY. If this goes well, I will have the MM finished and hopefully be working toward my DMA... Doctor anyone?

Moving along, I quit playing World of Warcraft... why? The better question is why didn't I do this a long time ago?

A lot of these changes came about simply because an amazing thing happened to fall right in my lap... that being... A RELATIONSHIP. ZOMG! In all seriousness, she's my muse, and someone that I could not have asked for at a better time in my life. 

I could write more, but I don't think it would be as comprehensible as I might like for the moment. So perhaps another time. Cheers!

Working with Idiots - Part II

So today was no different than yesterday really. I came to work knowing that nothing regarding my issues with doing my job had been resolved; rather, they were compounded by the fact that they determined nothing was "unusual" about the latency issues we've ALL been having in the office since they migrated us over to a new network. Right... fuck you buddy.

Moving on, I finally had an experience with Tier 2 for Microsoft that I will never forget, and by never forget I mean a memory that will make me want to have a seething hatred towards any Indian (Pakistani) that works in the IT field EVER AGAIN.

This starts out as a normal escalation procedure, where we at the MicroFail Helpdesk raise an issue to Tier 2 regarding a multi-user problem (5 or more people that are being affected by the same issue). Now to give some background information, latency, lag, or ping times, are the amount of time it takes two points to connect on any given network/internet location. This affects overall responsiveness working online, communication between people/computers, etc..

That being said, normal ping times between people on MicroFail's corporate network is usually around100ms (milliseconds) if they're within the same physical location, more than acceptable for efficient workflow/throughput. Well, this particular group of people located in the Portland, Oregon office called in stating that their latency/lag was awful, taking sometimes close to five or six seconds to send an instant message, time between what you've said over your IP phone has been heard by the recipient, etc.. I take the call, diagnose, and escalate as normal.

A few hours pass then I get into a conversation with one of the Tier 2 agents... who begins to ask me about the issue... so I explain it to him (because apparently he is incapable of reading the ticket and forms I submitted to have the issue escalated in the first place). When I post him the tracert logs, which show that their latency is averaging 3000ms, he replies with: "So?" SO? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I ask him: "What do you mean so? this is completely unacceptable and outrageous that it's causing their work and jobs to suffer for productivity for what they do." He replies: "What do you mean by outrageous?" LOOK ASSHOLE, IF I HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO WHY WHAT OUTRAGEOUS MEANS AND HOW THIS ISSUE AFFECTS OVERALL PRODUCTIVITY IN THE WORKPLACE, YOU NEED TO FIND ANOTHER FUCKING JOB.

I proceeded to explain to him how this works and affects the people having the issue in the first place, why they called me to begin with, and what the resolution needs to be from him, the people that weESCALATE TO to help with these issues because we can't solve them to begin with.

After he contacted the user, he closed the ticket because he claimed he didn't see anything wrong with their network connection... after I clearly and concisely stated what the problem was in the initial ticket, troubleshooting, and escalating paperwork. He then proceeded to ream me out for about half an hour on how we submit outages based on issues we handle from incoming calls.

Are you fucking kidding me? you're going to berate me because you're an incompetent, lazy, piece of shit? are you fucking serious? I had to tell you how to do YOUR damn job, you do not get the privilege of rubbing it in my face about how you believe our process should be run, when YOU can't even bother to read the ticket that's put there because of the process YOUR Tier of help says it needs in order to do YOUR job. FUCK YOU.

I do not understand how these people get the jobs they have. I do not understand how they can sit there and tell me I must be crazy and wrong for submitting an issue that apparently they can't find, when in fact... the proof is in their own documentation they asked for. However, I can understand why people get so upset when they get Indian people on the phone when calling for technical support. Every single one of the people I have to deal with in regards to help on this queue from Tier 2, has been rude, arrogant, pompous, and downright retarded.

A sincere and hearty couple of middle fingers flying from me to you Tier 2 MicroFail agents. Stay classy fuckwads.

Working with Idiots - Part I

I'd like to preface this by saying that I work with a lot of incompetent people Monday through Friday.

Some background information:

1) There are three separate networks we are now using at work to do our jobs - Microsoft (VDI, VPN), Unisys, and the vLan

2) The above mentioned networks do not always get along with each other when we try to use VPN to connect

Moving on... So this story starts out with me going to work as normal today and arriving to work, setting up my machine to begin taking calls, which goes fine and dandy for about the first hour...

Shortly after that first hour of work, my VPN connection becomes unstable, forcing me to disconnect after about 30 seconds... in order to connect back to the VPN I have to tell it to do so, which times out repeatedly for 6 minutes at a time. Well, so now I try to connect using the VDI, that also fails and times out. So this goes on and on for about an hour after which, I decide that something bigger is the problem.

So after some diagnosis between myself and a few other colleagues we determined that the issue is because they changed us over from connecting to the Unisys network directly, to the vLan. Well this creates some serious connectivity issues due to overall latency and simple networking protocols that our connections go through in order to maintain stability, whether that's through VPN, VDI, or otherwise.

Now comes the "fun" bit... take a wild fucking guess who manages our network and where they live? Some guy, named Drew... IN THE GREAT BLUE FUCKING YONDER OF AUSTRALIA! Can someonePLEASE explain to me why someone who would normally sleep during our business hours (where this person lives in Australia is 16 hours ahead mind you) is set as our network administrator? Please, for the love of God and all that is holy, please fucking tell me why they didn't assign our queue to someone locally that we have IN OUR BUILDING?!?!? We have networking admins in our damn building, what's the point in assigning the responsibility to someone not even relevantly close to our location? let alone in the same fucking country?

So after colliding with that first issue of not being able to contact the person we need to in order to get this issue resolved in a timely fashion, I think to myself... hmm... why is it that we don't have administrative rights to perform the actions required to do our job? What is the point to assigning this to an individual who cannot help us?

Now my manager comes back from his 2 hour hiatus to wherever, doing whatever he was doing, and decides to join us back in the land of MicroFail and we have to explain this situation to him. Now, let me offer some insight to my manager: this is the man... who upon moving his computers into our queue area freaked out for five minutes over wondering why he was unable to use the internet after booting them up. Guess why? I'll give you one guess... oh fuck it... HE DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO CHECK TO SEE IF HE PLUGGED THE FUCKING NETWORK CABLES IN. Baby steps here folks... basic baby steps. The bottom line is, the man has no concept how the queue works, nor does he understand what it is we actually do for our jobs. He is not technically savvy by any means and honestly doesn't deserve the position he has. It is not the same type of queue as the rest of the building we work in, it's an entirely different breed of a call center.

So we explain this situation to him and he seems to believe there's a workaround to this, regardless of what we tell him. He doesn't understand that we cannot simply reroute the way our machines connect to the network because we don't have the necessary administrative rights to do so. Upon explaining to him that the person WHO DOES have admin rights to work this out, is 16 hours ahead; I look at his clock and tell him: "It's 2:41pm our time right now, that means it's 6:41am their time." He replies: "Don't you mean 8:41am?" I reply: "No, 2:41pm to 2:41am is 12 hours, plus 4. Resulting in 6:41am." REALLY? IS IT THAT FUCKING HARD TO TELL TIME?! WHY ARE YOU MY MANAGER??????? That's what I want to know...

So after deliberating my fate for the rest of the day, the ultimate decision was to send me home from work because of situation at hand.

My thoughts on the matter? Unisys has no idea how to effectively delegate work and administer their employees. This situation and company is run ass fucking backwards and will probably not be functioning in Rochester for very much longer. Bottom line? Never underestimate the power of a bunch of idiots.

A Little Story on Pedagogical Incompetence and Impracticality

Some history here before getting into this, the average grade of the 23 students enrolled in my section of this course this semester, is about 63%... that means... that almost everyone is failing the course, simply based off exam grades. Compound this with the fact that you need a letter grade of a C or better in order to get credit for the course to continue onto the next course for your degree. Currently, there are 2 students (out of 23) that are passing the course with a 75 or higher. Would you like to know why they're passing?

BECAUSE THEY ALREADY TOOK THE COURSE BEFORE OR HAVE TAUGHT THEMSELVES JAVA PROGRAMMING BEFORE ENROLLING IN CLASSES AT MCC.

So... today I decided to go speak with my CSC 101 Professor, regarding my grades and such for the course, because she decides to never return our tests after grading them with their actual grades on them (I'll explain that in a minute).

She gives her tests, takes 2 weeks to grade them, then hands them back with grading errors. We go over these exams in class, show her the mistakes she's made with the grades, and then she supposedly corrects them... but we never get to see the exam again and have to schedule times with her for her to allow us to see the exam again, either for review or just to ask questions about what the correct answer should be.

Before setting foot into her office I already know that my homework grade average is around 100%, because I have received a 95 or 100 on every single assignment we've done over the course of the semester. The number of assignments we've had to complete thus far is over 12...

We exchange the normal chit chat greetings and bullshit, then I ask her what my overall grade is in the course. So we begin to look over my grades and because I did poorly on the first two exams (57 and 63), she advises me that I should withdraw from the course. I ask her why and she explains that because of the track record of the exams (regardless of homework grades) it appears that I will not pass. (Excuse me?)

So I proceed to ask her that if this is the case, then how does she propose to advise the other 20 students in the class about their grades, considering that there are 20 other students besides me who are not passing the course based on their test grades. She has no response.

So I continue to say: "To be fair, this would mean that you would also have to advise these other students that are also NOT passing your course, to withdraw as well... is that correct?" Again, she has no response.

Me: "I think that your advisement here is absolutely ridiculous, considering that you have nothing to say about how you will be advising your other students... knowing forewell that they are also not passing your class."

Her: "I do not have to answer your questions regarding my advisement to other students."

Me: "I'm merely stating that you would have to be consistent in your advisement scheme if you intend to essentially remove over 90% of your students in this particular section of your CSC 101 class this semester."

Her: "Again, I do not have to answer to you."

Me: "No, but I do give money to this school to be taught well by the Professors of whom are teaching the classes of which I am enrolled. This school also pays your salary. In this particular instance, I would like a refund in full from the school for this course. I have learned more about Java Programming from my own studying than I have from listening to you babble on about how you worked for IBM on the stealth bomber. Not to mention that if anyone were to observe your class on a regular basis, would realize that you are completely pedagogically imcompetent. Your methodology of testing on the material of which you teach is completely impractical. We have debuggers and compilers for a reason... to tell us when we have made a mistake. In that respect, to test us using pencils and paper, while having to write the code out in full, doesn't make a whole lot of sense does it? Especially when we have all of these other tools to aid us in either our learning or as part of the job. Even in class you make dozens upon dozens of mistakes writing out your own code that you tell us to put into jGrasp... and we have to tell you that what YOU WROTE does not compile. So tell me again why I need to withdraw from your course considering I can prove to you that I know how to program in Java? Oh that's right... because my perspective of the "real world" is different than yours... sorry... I forgot for a moment."

At that point I had already picked up my bag and was halfway out of her door. She didn't say a word as I left, went down to the computer lab, and withdrew from her course... because after all, the probability I was going to be fail or be withdrawn from the class was fairly high anyway, right?

Un-fucking-believable. This kind of imcomptence drives me around the bend... how can this kind of shit be allowed at a COLLEGE level? If anything, it lets me know that I can more than likely teach better than 90% of the teachers I've ever had... but still... this is absolutely stupid.

/endrant

More with the pulling from the book of faces... "Sex... sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me..."

I suppose I'm writing this note because I feel that many people seem to get very squeemish when the topic of sex comes up in discussion. If it's not them being squeemish, then it's them acting like sex is no big deal, or trying to make a joke to cope with the anxiety of the topic. In short, some sort of defense mechanism comes into play, one of which I think is somewhat ridiculous and immature.

Essentially, I'm wondering why people get so bent out of shape during the discussion of sex itself, or sexual tendencies, preferences, fetishes, and the like. Is it because of how supposedly "private" the act is? or perhaps how not-so-private the conversation yet to be had may make it? Or maybe they're afraid of being judged by others because of their sexual tastes? Or perhaps it's because of how the general public and/or media (at least in the United States) reacts to the topic, and that they have taken those reactions and used them as their own.

Why let someone else's opinion on sex affect how you conduct yourself in regards to your sexual preferences? What does it matter that someone does not like the same thing as you? So what if you like being thrown around in the bedroom, slapped, choked, or tied up during sex? Or maybe you enjoy being called slanderous names during the act, or foreplay? Or maybe you just like to have gentle, kind, loving sex? Maybe you enjoy dressing up as the opposite sex, or live out some fantasy role-play to get you (and hopefully your partner) off? What the fuck (all puns intended) does it matter how you choose to live out your sexual lifestyle, to someone else (especially if they're not your partner, significant other, etc.)?

I suppose this really comes down to this question: What would be different about today's society if "sex" and "sexual preferences" were not such taboo subjects? I don't really understand why it still causes people to almost wiggle out of their chair from anxiety when it's brought up.

We as a nation (I would say the world) see and sell "sex" or "sex appeal" on a daily basis through advertising, whether that be on TV, in a magazine, or online, or any other sort of source (think about how many times you've seen that Cialis ad...). We incorporate "sex" in some form in our daily lives, whether through music, reading, thoughts, or otherwise. Why make it so difficult to be discussed openly without inhibition?

Personally, if someone wants to know something about my sexual tendencies... I tell them. Why? Because it doesn't bother me if you don't enjoy the same things I do, to each their own. I would hope that through my honesty that people realize that they can come to me and talk about the subject and any relevant subtopics therein. If someone has a question about sex, fetishes, general debauchery, I would also hope that they feel comfortable enough to come to me to discuss it, or confide in me the things that they fear others would judge or shun them for.

Fuck those people (obviously figuratively speaking, not literally speaking) who choose to judge, poke fun, shun, demean, or hurt others simply because their likes, dislikes, or overall opinions differ from their own when it comes to sex... and honestly? I'm pretty sure my sex life is far more interesting than theirs anyway. ;)

/endrant+critical thoughts

More pulling from facebook... "A little lesson on patience"

It's often said that patience is a virtue. A virtue that should be upheld regardless of the situation. Well, to be quite fucking honest... HOW MANY PEOPLE ACTUALLY TAKE THAT TO HEART?

Look, I understand that it is trying at times to be patient with a situation, a person, or people in general... but you should really take that into consideration, especially when the person you're dealing with... asks for some time to get through some more pertinent issues they are encountering.

Legitimately, some people just cannot handle being put on the back burner while you either: a) you get your shit done, or b) shit happens and you cannot make good on some plans. Why is it so difficult to give someone the time they ask for? Can you not realize that maybe you're just not that important at that moment? or perhaps not even that, but maybe they do not want to half-ass the plans and have said plans fall flat on their proverbial faces? Or even more so, maybe it's simply because the person you want to hang out with, just doesn't have time?

How are any of the above reasons cause for flipping out and cutting off all lines of communication? Simply for the fact that you cannot get WHAT YOU WANT, WHEN YOU WANT? That's like a god damn two year-old throwing a temper tantrum over not getting to watch the fucking Teletubbie DVD in the morning at the exact fucking moment that the child wants to watch it. Fuck the Teletubbies and fuck your ridicuous attitude. Un-fucking-believable.

If you as a person cannot deal with not being the center of fucking attention, or cannot deal with not having things your way (or the highway), or cannot understand the fact that sometimes people DO NOT HAVE TIME RIGHT NOW to do what it is YOU want to do... then all I can say is good luck with the surgery to get the fucking stick removed from your impatient ass.

If you're going to judge me AT ALL, judge me on how I act, what I say, what I do, TOWARD YOU. Do not judge me based on any other sort of predisposition you have of the opposite sex, or based on a "personality type" you believe I fit in, OR based on past experiences you have in general. You know why? BECAUSE I'M NOT THOSE FUCKING PEOPLE OR THOSE SITUATIONS YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN THROUGH. Obviously you're patient and perseverent enough to keep on living this life and make it through to the present day. Bravo, you've done better than most people with down syndrome and I can respect you for that... but please do not hold it against me when I say that I need to get things I have prioritized AHEAD OF YOU done, before I can do anything else.

YOU
ARE
NOT
THE
RULER
OF
MY
WORLD
PRINCESS... wake up

If for some reason you think otherwise, bend over sweetheart, because I'm burying my size thirteen shoe deep in that tightly wound ass of yours... in hopes that it kick starts the fucking critical thinking portion of your puny sized brain.

/endrant

Pulled from Facebook

So today my Mom and I ventured to our local Verizon Wireless store to get her a new Droid3. We arrive at the store, walk in, register, and patiently wait our turn in line at 9:30am.

It's her turn, we go up and speak to a sales representative regarding her account, what phone we wanted... then the SHITSTORM hit.

Apparently, they were informed late last night after closing, via an e-mail correspondence from "corporate," that they were not allowed to sell the phones they had out of their physical inventory until all of the Droid2 and Droid2 Global phones were sold. My Mom and I both looked at each other, looked back at the rep and she said: "Excuse me? This phone was released today, what sense does that make? We're here to buy this phone and this phone only."

"We're sorry, but we cannot sell you the phone today unless we sell out of the other Droid2 units first."

I step in and ask to speak to a manager, who was conveniently located within five feet of this representative.

"Excuse me, but is this serious? Or is this some bullshit? What's the point of advertising the shit out of a new phone, but then when customers come in to buy one... you tell them they can't? That's like going to buy a house... and it's the house you really, really, really, really want... but then the real estate agent tells you that you can't buy it because the house NEXT to it hasn't sold yet."

"We're sorry for both of you, but we can't sell you the phone."

At this point, my Mom freaks out and just about storms off out of the store, saying she's just going to cancel her contract if this shit keeps up. I stayed at the desk, talking to the representative.

"Look, is there anyway we can get this phone today?"

"No..." He then proceeds to look at the inventory of other stores in the area. "There's no other stores in Rochester that will be able to sell you the phone today."

So some time passes, my Mom calms down a bit and we end up ordering the phone. That went as follows:

"Ok Mrs. Ridley, you'll have to pay $20 for the early upgrade fee, plus $15 for the overnight shipping..." my Mom interrupts him and asks him: "Are you fucking crazy? You expect me to pay the shipping fees after this entire inconvenience? Are you fucking serious?" I just start laughing at this point.

"Well, if you want your phone, this is what has to be paid." Begrudgingly, she paid around $260 to get the phone overnight delivered to our doorstep, before 10:30am Friday morning.

Some more time passes, I come home, think about the situation... then proceed to dial *611 from my phone to speak with a customer service rep about what happened this morning, to try and get the extra fees waived from my Mom's account... because let's be honest here... THAT'S SOME BULLSHIT.

The representative and I get to talking, I explain the situation and she ends up calling the store we went to earlier to find out if they actually had the phones in stock, what happened, etc. etc.. The manager that addressed my Mother and I, answered the phone, told her they DID NOT HAVE ANY DROID3's IN STOCK, then proceeded to tell her that that's what he told us this morning. That being, that the reason they could not sell us the Droid3 was because it was not in stock... (really fucktard?)

She comes back and tells me this news, to which I simply said "He just fucking lied to you, apparently just as he did to my Mom, myself, and the three other people behind us in line this morning looking for that phone."

"What do you mean he lied?"

"He told us that they had the phones, but couldn't sell them because they hadn't sold out of their Droid2 and Droid2 Global inventory yet."

As a result, I aggressively requested that the charges for the early upgrade and shipping be waived. Of course, she stated she couldn't and I then asked to speak to someone who could. They ended up approving the removal of the shipping charges, but they can't waive the early upgrade fee because of how early my Mom decided to upgrade her account.

In all, I'm thoroughly disgusted with how this entire fucking situation transpired. How in the hell do they expect to do business with some shady shit like that being pulled at what I would guess is... not just a local level. It makes me really consider just all out leaving Verizon and hopping on board with another carrier, regardless of the fact if it's a "better" service or not.

If I'm a customer... and I'm there to buy your new shit in a box... you better give me the shit in the box I want with a pretty fucking bow on top and a smile mother fucker... not jerk me off with advertising campaigns and then end up stomping on my balls at the end of the day.

/endrant