I have always had a tendency to "run away from things" growing up, simply because they've either hurt me, offended me, or were things I just did not like. I attribute a lot of this to being brought up an "only child" which often feeds into the "give me what I want when I want it" attitude that most only children often have.
I think an apt description would be that there are times when I can act like Veruca Salt (from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, not the Johnny Depp remake) Link here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067992/
Over the past few years however, I have been trying very diligently to suppress this kind of attitude because let's be honest here... Veruca's a bitch, and Veruca-esque tendencies are even worse. I admit this fully as a character flaw and would very much like to never have these things ever happen... again.
It takes a lot for me to even type that out, let alone say it, because it's really all I've ever done in certain situations. I don't enjoy this about myself and I don't want those characteristics to be part of my demeanor and/or persona.
Why do they happen? I think the majority of it stems from being an only child, being coddled, catered too, and pretty much... spoiled rotten. Thinking back on it now... there are more times than I wish to admit where I'm sure I could have acted infinitely better than I did... and that makes me a sad panda.
My intentions are never to hurt anyone physically or emotionally, but that's inevitable really. The bottom line is, with that kind of systemic issue needing to be uprooted and destroyed, it is going to take a lot of work on my end and I fear that people are going to get hurt in the process. Unfortunately I hurt someone today that I never wanted to, because I lashed out and decided it was time to "take my ball and play somewhere else." I am truly sorry that I acted that way even for just a moment, as it's made a lasting impression that I will never be able to escape.
It was really a fucking dumb move, but it made me realize more than ever... that there's a lot I need to change in how I handle people, situations, friendships, relationships, family... the list goes on and on.
I can't apologize enough to feel better about myself for these actions. It really hurts and pretty much sucks.
I think an apt description would be that there are times when I can act like Veruca Salt (from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, not the Johnny Depp remake) Link here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067992/
Over the past few years however, I have been trying very diligently to suppress this kind of attitude because let's be honest here... Veruca's a bitch, and Veruca-esque tendencies are even worse. I admit this fully as a character flaw and would very much like to never have these things ever happen... again.
It takes a lot for me to even type that out, let alone say it, because it's really all I've ever done in certain situations. I don't enjoy this about myself and I don't want those characteristics to be part of my demeanor and/or persona.
Why do they happen? I think the majority of it stems from being an only child, being coddled, catered too, and pretty much... spoiled rotten. Thinking back on it now... there are more times than I wish to admit where I'm sure I could have acted infinitely better than I did... and that makes me a sad panda.
My intentions are never to hurt anyone physically or emotionally, but that's inevitable really. The bottom line is, with that kind of systemic issue needing to be uprooted and destroyed, it is going to take a lot of work on my end and I fear that people are going to get hurt in the process. Unfortunately I hurt someone today that I never wanted to, because I lashed out and decided it was time to "take my ball and play somewhere else." I am truly sorry that I acted that way even for just a moment, as it's made a lasting impression that I will never be able to escape.
It was really a fucking dumb move, but it made me realize more than ever... that there's a lot I need to change in how I handle people, situations, friendships, relationships, family... the list goes on and on.
I can't apologize enough to feel better about myself for these actions. It really hurts and pretty much sucks.
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